So this trip began with my almost missing the flight to Amsterdam. We left a little on the late side, but should have been fine had not run into traffic near the Van Wyck that my father described as “the worst [he’s]ever seen in this area.” And that’s coming from a man who commuted to Brooklyn along the same route for 20-odd years. Anyway I booked it into the terminal but immediately ran into an issue when the agent did not understand that a) I did not yet have a visa and b) I had booked a one-way ticket to Nairobi through Amsterdam and that I’d be headed elsewhere afterward. Things ended up working out more or less after I grew increasingly frazzled and they let me go. I made the flight after sprinting through JFK, bowling over old ladies and stiff-arming people on the moving sidewalk.
I thought I would unwind and pass the time on my flight by reading “Stuff White People Like,” a book that my mother bought for me some time ago. It’s based upon the popular blog of the same name – if you are not familiar, it lists 150 things that white people (characterized in this case as upper middle class Caucasians in the US who consider themselves cultured) like to do/eat/discuss etc. This may have been a thinly-veiled way for her to let me know that I am probably both pretentious and painfully white.
I realized midway through the flight that this was a fairly ironic subject for me to be researching considering that the only white people I will be spending time with for the next 5 weeks include my boss and ½ of my coworker. Plus maybe this Greek(ish) colleague who is affiliated with the running research center in Eldoret. I wonder what the average Kenyan would think about my predilection for brunch (#36), apologies (#55), and standing still at concerts (#67). At least I don’t throw or attend Oscar parties (#74).
Anyhow, according to this guy’s metric, I am apparently …28.7% white? That seems incorrect. I figured on some number in the 55-70% range. I think in the end I was just not cultured, proactive and/or waspy enough. For those of you know my housemates Eric and Rich, it turns out that if you combine their interests and activities, they cover at least 100 of the 150 things the author lists. Justin, if you are reading this, a heads up the author would probably qualify you as “the wrong kind of white person.”
Moving on. In an attempt to ignore the massive turbulence, I change my focus from US white people to Dutch white people. During my first trip to Amsterdam, about 6 weeks ago, I realized that I find Dutch to be a hilariously unintuitive language to try to understand or speak. Throughout most of the flight I was checking our “Grondsnelheit” which I assumed to be related to the German “gesundheit” and therefore must be some sort of in flight sneeze-tracker (swine flu?).
PS: If you are reading this blog, I will find you. And I will kill you. JK I watched “Taken” (starring Liam Neeson) on the plane and can’t get that out of my head. Dad just so you know I now expect you to go on a murderous rampage throughout the eastern hemisphere if some Serbians try to sell me in to sex slavery.
Ed note: I originally wrote this entry on a plane but then somehow lost the sheet of paper I was using so this is my second crack at some mildly-entertaining stream of consciousness rambling.
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